I have been with my boyfriend for six years, and our relationship is very good, and there is no big conflict.
In front of my boyfriend, I am a little girl with only him in his eyes. In my eyes, he is also a good man who is dedicated and responsible. But I feel that the real me is not worthy of him.
I have never liked it since elementary school. I was honest and cold on the surface. In fact, I really wanted to get the love or attention of the opposite sex. But at the time, I was silly and didn’t know how to attract the opposite sex, so I was like a dull wood in the class.
After graduating from the third year of high school, I had my own mobile phone. After applying for WeChat, I played this function in a bewildered manner, and then a bunch of men added my friends. I almost agreed. After chatting, I found that many men are uncles in their thirties, but they said at the beginning that they were in their early twenties, and finally saw the photos they sent, and they realized that they were uncle greasy. There is also a man, call him eldest brother. He is from the same community. He is four or five years older than me. He is not too old. We talked more happily.
Once the thirty-year-old greasy uncle wanted to let me come out to play at night. Although I rejected him at the time, I wanted to go out and wanted to happen to him. Don’t you think I’m hungry? That’s right, I didn’t have a person of the opposite sex that I liked at the time. That 30-year-old uncle greasyly teased me twice, and I wanted to post it. It was too shameful. There is only one reason why I didn’t go. The place he asked me to go was very close to my home. I was afraid that if I met acquaintances, my honest personality would collapse completely, and my parents would definitely kill me.
Explain that he is not considered an uncle in his thirties, but I graduated from high school and was only 18 years old. So in my eyes, a 30-year-old man was an uncle, and that uncle was a bit bald. Now that I am in my twenties, I think a 30-year-old boy is still young. Of course, that uncle back then is estimated to be nearly 40 years old now, so it still does not prevent me from thinking that man is an uncle now.
Later, I went to university. I thought there were so many boys in university. I am not an ugly girl. I guess I could attract a few boys. However, my naturally dull and non-talkative character is really dazzling, and there are many girls who look like me. , People have boyfriends, and they still don’t delay them in attracting suitors, but I, after the military training, no one likes me.
Then, when the military training was about to end, for the first time, I took the initiative to talk to the uncle and the elder brother because it was so boring. Seeing the roommates chatting with their male students and male classmates in full swing, I was really a little bit envious and jealous, so I found other boys to chat.
Then, I really like the uncle and the elder brother to say some explicit things to me, they are also really telling me to have a dirty joke, I especially enjoy it. I even asked them to visit the city where I was studying, but they didn’t want to go, but wanted me to take the initiative to find them, and then I thought it was too much trouble, so I kept shitting away.
Later, I met my current boyfriend. He is the same age as me, very young and young, completely different from the uncle and the eldest brother. More importantly, he is chasing me very seriously. I was chased by a boy for the first time in my life, and then I couldn’t hold it anymore. He wanted to hold a hand and I agreed, and he wanted to hug me. Since I didn’t want to refuse at all, I met him for two or three days, and I was almost ready to kiss.
But I am a girl who has received too much traditional education, so I only allow him to the kissing step, and I will not let it down. Then I ignored the uncle and the eldest brother for a long time. Later, when my country celebrated going home, they sent me a message asking if I wanted to find them for fun when I returned home from China. I immediately refused and blocked them.
Because after I had a boyfriend, I felt that they were not as handsome as my boyfriend, and not as young as him. With better ones, who would want bad ones? And I started chatting with them because no one likes me. Their casual love can ease my loneliness and make me a little vanity. It makes me feel like someone else likes me. But after I really met my boyfriend, his sincere love moved me even more. The boyfriend healed me and made me no longer feel inferior and no longer feel like a girl no one likes.
After falling in love with her boyfriend, it was very sweet. But the good times didn’t last long, and the relationship broke up for more than half a year because of an inappropriate personality. After breaking up, I was depressed and missed my boyfriend every day. After the class, I kept distracting. Every time the teacher talked about the topic, I would think of the things I did with my boyfriend in the grove, ah, ah, ah, it made me careless to listen to the class.
Later, a few college boys were added, but I belonged to the kind who hadn’t come out of the last relationship and chatted unintentionally, so they didn’t launch any violent offensive against me. One of the boys asked me to meet. After seeing him, he felt that the boy was too arrogant, and then he was blacked out. There was another guy who asked me to take a stroll on the campus alley. He was not good-looking, and then he wanted to hold my hand, so I avoided him, but after a few appointments, he ignored me. After that, I have been a boring window period.
An event that doubled my confidence happened. My roommate sent her a photo of the male in our dormitory. She posted a novel about me in the dormitory, and I was very happy after the roommate told me about it. Later, I met the boy with my roommate. After returning to the dormitory, my roommate’s male hairdresser called the roommate and kept telling me why I was so good-looking and beautiful. Then I suddenly felt that I was not as unattractive as I thought. , It turns out that some boys really think I am particularly good-looking. Attention is particularly good-looking, this is the best appearance evaluation I have received in my life. Later, after adding a roommate to send a child, he didn’t tell me a word, and the relationship ended before it started.
Later, I broke the mirror and reunited with my boyfriend. Because I hadn’t let go of him, so he chased me casually, and I agreed. Who would let a boy who was better than my boyfriend chase me at that time?
Then I graduated. I was admitted to graduate school and my boyfriend started looking for a job. Recently I have been annoyed by one thing.
I used to dream about it. I often dreamed about having a crush on campus with my classmates from elementary, middle, and high schools. But after waking up, I felt that I was dreaming, and then I left those dreams behind.
But since last year, I had a dream once when I was at the same table in junior high school. I fell in love with him in my dream. To be honest, that dream was very sweet. After waking up, I remembered it for a long time, and then I missed the same table in junior high school, but unfortunately I didn’t have his contact information at all.
I thought that after seeing my boyfriend, I would completely forget the guy at the table. But when I saw my boyfriend’s face, I thought about the gay table, and even when I was in bed with my boyfriend, I thought about the gay table.
Then I thought, maybe it’s my nature that loves cheating. When I don’t have a boyfriend, I like to find a boy to chase me. After I have a boyfriend, I will constrain myself.
I thought of various ways in private to find the contact information of the guy at the table, but all failed, but I haven’t spent money to find him. Poor students really don’t have much money. The reason why I never forget the gay table after dreaming is because he is much more handsome than my boyfriend. He is the classmate of our class, and he took good care of me in class before.
However, in the eyes of outsiders and boyfriends, I am a simple, silly and honest girl. At first glance, I am a good girl, but only I know it. Sometimes I look very lonely, but fortunately, my boyfriend fills my emptiness. And loneliness.
So I really feel that people shouldn’t look good, and don’t think that someone is gentle and ascetic in their daily life, and that they are such a person, and what they think in their hearts may surprise others.
Alas, I’ve been mentally cheating for more than half a year. I like my boyfriend while dreaming about finding the gay table. If I let my boyfriend know what I think now, I don’t know what he will think of me.